dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
