if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm jealous of your bromance
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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