Barsexuality is the new black.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
