Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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