I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize