yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
