and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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