careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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