I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my poor anus
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
