I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
