I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
