You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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