I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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