So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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