What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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