So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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