So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
