he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
