she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
