its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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