Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
