yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
