I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
