I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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