there's paper in my vomit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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