remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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