i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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