i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
