My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
