i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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