I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
