: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
