if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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