yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
