My room smells like vodka and shame
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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