i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
