i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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