There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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