You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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