thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
