Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
