My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
