Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
