M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
