I think I died a long time ago.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
