You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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