I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
