Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dear god my vagina.
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