Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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