you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
