she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i now understand why vodka
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
