I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
