This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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