I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
