I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
