i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
