please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She told me I should be a condom model.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You ate ashes out of my bong
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
