We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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