Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
