I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
