Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
