can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
