she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
