What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
