Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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