Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
