Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
