Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
