We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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