He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
