Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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