He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
