Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
