You're so nebulous sometimes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I touched a dick in church today
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