i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
