You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
