I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
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U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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