Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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