Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
