every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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