She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
