I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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