i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
