At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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