I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im six kinds of drunk right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
