He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
