i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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