Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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